Monday, 15 September 2014

Photo update

My graduation was last Monday and it was fabulous. Murray, my Mum and sister-in-law all came along to help celebrate.
Graduation selfie with my only other graduating friend Michelle


We went to a wedding on Saturday which was really lovely. This is my sister-in-law and I enjoying the sunshine after the ceremony.

And my evening dress for the reception! I've never worn anything so revealing as this before but I loved it!

Wedding selfie

And a proper photo of Murray and I together #love

Sunday, 7 September 2014

Looking forward

This is what I am looking forward to right now. We can't wait for our holiday, and are trying to focus all our attention on that to try and forget about our recent disappointment. Part of us still hopes that the adoption could come through and we wont be able to go on our trip. As much as I would love to go to Europe, I would drop everything at a moments notice if the adoption came through.

Who knows what we will be doing in three months time. If it is changing nappies - then I will be happy. If it is a white christmas in Strasbourg and Paris - I will be enjoying it very much!

Friday, 5 September 2014

Coping with the disappointment

It's been a rough couple of days. I thought I was coping reasonably well with the disappointment of this cycles failure but once the period pain started, I actually started vomiting as either a pain or stress response and had to go home from work. Then the pain sent me into a mental tailspin and I had an anxiety attack- something I haven't experienced for a long time.

This was one of my fears about coming off my antidepressants - that I wouldn't cope well and I wouldn't have that safety net. Today I had another anxiety attack at work, but was able to go down to the sick bay and lock myself in for 20 minutes to deal with the worst of it and nobody saw me. I'm feeling much better this afternoon, but it is something that I'm going to have to watch out for. Thanks to a lovely doctor, I have some Valium tablets to help me sleep if I get too worked up but I've only ever used that as a last resort.

Murray and I had a good talk this afternoon and have decided not to go ahead with the other donated embryo at this point. My mental health is more important right now, and even though I have only had two mild episodes, I had forgotten how awful they can make you feel. We are going to hold out until the public IVF program is up and running again and make sure that we are ready then to deal with the emotional side of things.

Wednesday, 3 September 2014


As expected, the blood test showed up negative. My doctor is happy for me to go ahead with another transfer of the other donated embryo but we are going to leave it for now. With only one 2 cell embryo left, I don't like our chances of a successful thaw, so it's better that we leave it as a back up if future treatment fails.

For now we are regrouping and going back to waiting for either the adoption to come through or for the public IVF to become available. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy planning for our holiday in December, and try and lose the extra couple of kilos I've put on over the last four months.

We will be okay. It's sad but I'm not going to self-destruct.

Monday, 1 September 2014

Day 32 - facing the music

Negative again. We are both really upset, but trying to find comfort in each other.
Official blood test on Wednesday but not expecting any miracles.
Luckily I had pre-booked today off work as annual leave so spent the day in my PJ's moping around the house. Not sure what our next step is, maybe use our last donated embryo, or just wait until after we get back from Europe. I don't really want to think about it right now.