Monday, 1 October 2012

A little update

For those not keeping track over at Lose and Hope, I have had my surgery and am in the recovery stage. So far I have lost around 11kg in the past month, and I am comfortable with my decision, even when some days are difficult. There is a lot of adjustment to be made, but I went in with my eyes open, and I'm already starting to feel the benefits. Just the knowledge that I can take the power back from my body - well, sorry for the lack of words, but it is powerful.

Before I had my surgery, my doctor said to me that I should go back on birth control, as obviously getting pregnant would stop the weight loss. I told him he had a snowballs chance in hell. He insisted and said that I had to give him at least 6 months guaranteed not getting knocked up, and even with our history, my rapid weight loss could make me super fertile. I stuck to my guns, and therefore am status normal - no protection, yet still not knocked up.

It's amazing that it has been more than six years of trying. There are always ebbs and flows, and right now I'm in one of those good places, where you can appreciate the great things about just being two of us. We are both young, we love spending time together, and have so many opportunities for happiness outside of baby-making. The sting of course is always there, but most of these days, you can barely feel it, unless you want to feel it, if that makes sense.

We are six weeks away from our 7th wedding anniversary. I imagine this year will be pretty low-key, not least because Murray lost his job last week (a whole other story), so we are tightening our belt financially.

I also have my 10 year high school reunion next month, which is making me a little nervous. Being around all these people who barely gave me the time of day in high school, everyone who has their own little families now, people pretending to be super successful. I know I have done well for myself, but I don't want to be the self-important person trying to make myself seem better than I am - that's not who I am and it's not how I want to be. Instead I've decided to catch up with some old school friends who I haven't seen over the next month I think, just to touch base. I'm not sure I'll even go to the reunion yet, but most likely I will. We'll see.

SO back to fertility (Gee it always comes back to that!). My plan is to restart our local adoption paperwork once my BMI is under 35, which will make us eligble again for approval. We are still on the public IVF waiting list (1 year down so far), and I imagine that we should get through to that sometime in the next 12-18 months, so if we haven't had adoption success by then, I will be starting that process again. It seems like so long ago that we went through this all. Maybe another year older and wiser will be the winning solution. I know I'm only 26, and that does give me some relief, that I'm not 10 years older and in a far worse predicament.

Okay, I've really put my blog name to work today - a lot of ramblings from a person whom many call crazy. Time for me to hit the hay. Night all.