Wednesday, 29 December 2010

The last days of 2010

Somehow I have gotten sick. Not serious thank goodness, but enough to be uncomfortable and frustrated. I've had an awful sore throat for a couple of days and some headaches, body aches and dizziness. Thinking it could be a 48 hour virus. Hopefully it will be out of my system soon.

I've been off work for a week and a half so far and it has been so relaxing for us not to go away anywhere - just to stay here and relax. Christmas Day went really well, everybody seemed to have a great time. Not looking forward to going back to work on the 4th of January but that's life!

We are hoping to go along to the Peggy Gugenheim showing at the Art Museum in Perth - while we certainly aren't the artsy-types, I think it's good to get outside of your comfort zone occasionally, and the chance to see a couple of Picasso's is incredible. Can't believe we will get to go to the Louvre next year!!!

And on that note I am going to drag myself back to the lounge room, wrap myself in my blanket and get my husband to bring me some tea.

Saturday, 25 December 2010

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! We are hosting Christmas today and a smattering of family from both families will be attending. I'm looking forward to having a nice barbecue and sitting back with everything all prepared for the day. I'm not looking forward to the searing heat and humidity - it's ridiculously sticky already!

I just wanted to wish you all a lovely christmas, wherever you are in the world, however you choose to celebrate.

All our love,
Rebecca, Murray & Charlie xxx

Monday, 20 December 2010

A plan for the year ahead

I've done a lot of thinking these last few days, and in my mind I have come to some decisions about what I want 2011 to be about. I want this year ahead to be about Murray & I enjoying our lives, while still making progress towards extending our family. Some thoughts on what I want from the new year ahead.

We plan on continuing the adoption process and ideally having our application approved by October. I am under no illusions that this will be easy. We still have a hurdle to cross with Murray's medical assessment, but I know we can work through it get it sorted out. I am looking forward to the assessment process and getting to learn more about ourselves and how our lives would work with our future adoptive child.

The big thing that I have decided is that I don't want to do another egg collection any time soon. Money is one of the reason - we simply can not afford a $7000 upfront cost to do a full round of IVF. But it's not just that. It's about taking back control. The egg collection and FSH stimulation make me feel awful physically, and I'm not ready to jump back into that without being 100% prepared first.

I do plan on following up the possibility of embryo donation and would be happy to go ahead with a donated embryo transfer this year, as this is a lot less invasive than a full treatment cycle. Murray and I have also discussed the possibility of doing a donor IUI cycle... more about that in the next section

I am having Ovarian Drilling done on Feb 14 next year - just the way I want to spend Valentine's Day! It's not something I wanted to try, for a very long time I have resisted having the surgery done, but I am going to go with it and see it as a positive option. While I may not give me my baby, it may help me regain some regularity with my cycles which help a lot. If it has an impact on my weight as well, that would be even more amazing. I am planning to start temping again once the surgery is done, fingers crossed it will help get my body on track.

If my PCOS is somehow diminished by treatment, our doctor has suggested we may like to try donor insemination before we head back to IVF. If we are lucky enough that my cycles start to regulate better after the surgery, then we will consider doing this. At the moment it is just another option on the horizon.

I have stacked on the weight in the last 8 months - 12 kilos in under a year is not good and I can feel the impact it has on my joints, my self-esteem and my lifestyle. I haven't exercised regularly for 6 months, and my eating is out of control. So slowly but steadily I am going to get back into treating my body right. That doesn't mean perfection though. I'm never going to be a size 10, nor will I exercise every day and eat all the right things. It's about having balance and getting myself to a place where I get my confidence back and start to feel good. I'll know that point when I get there. No particular plan except having accountability to myself (although #twitfit seems like a winner to me).

My workplace can be quite unfriendly at times, especially when my co-workers feel threatened by somebody or something, and I think that I fit into that category. Unfortunately I have lowered myself to their level at times, and my work has suffered. I want that to change in the new year. I know it is okay that I get upset and frustrated by the comments and attitude from other people, but I need to be bigger than that and continue my work to the best of my ability.  At the end of 2011, a complete restructure of our area will happen, and I want to position myself so that I could be considered for career progression into a supervisory role. I want to feel happy at work again, and that happiness has to come from me.
You know what, this is the one area of my life that I can honestly say is going well. Murray and I are so connected, through everything we have been through, our bond gets stronger every day. The one thing that I want to work on is me being more patient. Hubby can be a bit daft at times and I have a sharp tongue, I need to work on not being so quick to quip, and let him sort things out for himself. 

We have decided to go see a financial planner finally to help us work out where to start on the debt. You know how sometimes you let things get too bad that you don't know where to start? Yep - that's us. So time to bring in the big guns (Aimee - Will email you soon to take you up on your offer :-P) We would like to get rid of at least one credit card by the end of the year, and be able to afford comfortably our trip to Europe in October. Yes that may seem like a contradiction but I believe it is doable, we just need to work out how.

So that's the plan, at least for the moment. I feel quite at peace with the decision to hold off on IVF for the moment. I do have fears of course - my sister-in-law is due in June and I know that will be tough on me and Murray. I also worry that if something goes wrong in our lives - adoption, surgery, work etc, that we will fall back onto our old crutches - spending money, eating bad food and ultimately sinking into depression again.

Bring on 2011!

Sunday, 12 December 2010


Gee I hate anonymous comments. To whoever wrote the anonymous comment on my last post - thank you. I mean that, I'm not hating on you, because I choose to believe that you are writing that from a place of love and concern. You did... right?

Yes we have booked flights to Europe. Yes that costs money, something which is in short supply with us at the moment. But you know what? I don't care. Scratch that, we don't care.

Murray's Christmas bonus will cover our flights, and he gets another lump sum bonus in April which will go towards accommodation. And damn it - this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

No we won't be pursuing IVF, at least not for the next six months. I am having ovarian drilling down in February which thankfully is completely covered under my health insurance, and that will put me out of action for a little while. Murray and I also want to focus on our adoption application for a little while and get through the assessment process which will take the best part of six months next year.

To some, this holiday may seem stupid, even irresponsible. But for us, it is a lifeline. Something amazing to look forward to, something beyond our wildest dreams. Something to help compensate for our lack of offspring in our lives. If you don't get that, that's fine, you don't have to. And yes it will be tough - we will have to knuckle down. But it is going to be good. So good. And that is what I am looking forward to.

Thursday, 9 December 2010

We are going to....


Just a quick one from me, there was a big sale on flights today and we have taken the plunge and have booked flights to London through Kuala Lumpur for October school holidays next year! We can only take off two weeks from work so it will be a short adventure, but we are both climbing the walls - we are so excited!

No idea where we will go yet, can't do too much in 14 days but we will definitely make the most of it. Thinking London, Paris and Frankfurt, but who knows!

Yay for something nice to look forward to next year.

Sunday, 5 December 2010


I feel like all the breath has come out of me. I can't breathe, I can't cope.

I was going through my facebook feed as you do, and saw a picture of a beautiful baby lying peacefully in bed. I clicked on it and immediately saw that it was my ex-best friends baby - four days old.

This is the best friend who one day stopped talking to me and I never knew why. No argument, no big fight, nothing - she just one day stopped returning my calls and that was it. Who also 'coincidentally' stopped talking to me right as I started trying for a baby.

I feel winded, the photo literally took my breath away. It hurts. A lot.