Saturday, 28 November 2009

Same same

To be honest there really isn't much to talk about at the moment. Our Christmas tree is up, presents are all wrapped underneath - for 2 people, we sure buy a lot of presents for people!

Am looking forward to Christmas, although every month that progresses, I have this awful knowing feeling that my sister-in-law will make an announcement. They have been married for just over a year and have wanted to start for a while but I think they were waiting for us to fall pregnant first. I think they have given up on that idea and have started trying. Considering they have been pregnant before (6 weeks after they got together- miscarriage at 11 weeks), we are pretty sure it wont take them long to fall. I just pray that they don't announce it at a public gathering because I will leave. I am trying to mentally prepare for it in advance, but in the end it is still going to hurt.

I know it is awful, but I don't want them to get pregnant before us. No I dont wish them infertility, I wouldn't wish that on anyone, but I just want us to have our baby. I know it's not a competition, and our children will be loved equally etc etc but this was something special for us. I don't know, I know I can't justify my feelings and that I shouldn't try, I realise it is irrational, but we have been on this path for nearly four years. God damn it - I want to have the first grandchild and great-grandchild in the family - at least give me that!

I've been going to church each week for around a year now, and I am going to join in with singing Christmas Carols as part of the music team on stage on Christmas Eve. I'm not a great (or good) singer -just average, but it something I love so much and wanted to be a part of.

First week of work went well - a slight hiccup about my boss - he had a go at me over something when I did nothing wrong AT ALL, just him being hypersensitive about me setting meetings up with him - something about "He's the boss and will tell me when he wants to speak with him" - very strange! Other than that he seems okay, the group is very different to how I had imagined, but that's what you get when you leave head office I guess!

Anyway, I am off to see my beloved Perth Wildcats play tonight - fingers crossed we get the win. On top of the ladder at the moment! Go Cats!

4 comments:

  1. ah I know how you feel...

    When my SIL fell pregnant with my niece I couldn't talk to either her or my BIL for months. I *think* she understood how I was feeling...I hope. lol

    Every phone call I get from her I'm expecting her to tell me she's going to have another.
    I'd be so conflicted...Happy for her...Devestated for me.

    Life is just not fair.
    Though I have learnt that God won't take us through something like this alone.

    We did our Christmas decs today too...bit early for us but everyone seems to be Christmassy earlier this yr!

    :D
    Sass

    ReplyDelete
  2. I totally get how you feel! My cousin who got married TWO years after us already has a one and a half year old and they weren't even trying! I also have an 18 year old cousin who got his girlfriend pregnant at prom a couple of years ago. It hurts so much since we've been trying so hard and have been through so much to get pg!

    We've got our Christmas lights up and I picked up our Advent wreath earlier this week. I can't wait to get our tree, but Mr. JB always makes me wait a little bit 'cos we always get a real one. I love Christmas decorations!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm glad work went well! Way to go YOU!

    I don't have anything to say about how you feel about your SIL. Just let yourself feel it and you might feel better. Crappy advice, but it's all I've got. That and TONS of love from me.
    *HUGS*

    ReplyDelete
  4. I hope you get your BFP before she does, but if not I hope she at least has the decency to not do the big public announcement at a family gathering, that would be cruel.

    The incident with the boss is a bit weird, you were only doing what you thought was right, maybe he was just stressed out :(

    ReplyDelete

Hi guys, apologies for bring back the word verification thingy but unfortunately I have had a lot of spam recently, so I'm trying to get rid of the bots. Please leave a comment though - I'd love to hear from you!