Tuesday, 29 July 2008
We are still looking at the possibility of moving overseas in 2009 though. I would love to move to the US but the economy doesn't look too strong there at the moment with lots of people losing their jobs - not the best time to be looking for work. Dubai is good for jobs but it is a big culture shock. Gwen suggested Singapore which would be wonderful but Oh. My. Goodness - how expensive is rent there! The other thing about moving overseas that we need to consider is that while I am only 22 and young enough to start over when I get back to Australia, Murray turns 30 next year and it may not be so easy for him to do that. Luckily teaching isn't that competitive and it shouldn't be too big an issue, but still something to consider I guess.
On the IVF front, I'm still taking Progynova and hanging out until next Monday for my first lot of bloods and scan to see how I'm going. I'm happy enough at this point that we are doing a single embryo transfer, but if there are any issues with thawing the embryos, I reserve the right to change my mind!
Monday, 28 July 2008
And I was right…
I was called into my bosses office today and told that they would feel 'uncomfortable' if I started uni because my project is too big, and I already get migraines and am doing IVF and that is too much pressure and cant support me doing uni this semester.
It was also reinforced that although my boss 'knows that I do the hours', the perception is that I come in late to the office all the time and don’t work back enough etc. I am *this* close to standing up at our next team meeting and telling the world that "I am doing IVF, thank you for your concern but I am well and truly meeting my hours at work". I know a few people would be shocked - not by the IVF but that it is a confrontational thing to do and I am not a confrontational person, but I am at the point where I have really had enough. Not with the work that I do - that doesn't stress me out. What stresses me is the lack of understanding and real leadership in the branch. My boss thinks she knows everyone better than they know themselves and the truth is she doesn't!
I also got told that I am too 'up and down' in the office. She admitted that I have never 'bitten anyones head off like other people in the branch', but somedays Im really smiley and others Im not. Great. So not only do I not work hard enough, I'm not perky enough. Shoot me now.
Murray and I are considering moving to Dubai in January. Has anyone been to Dubai before or lived and worked overseas? We have been thinking about Dubai in particular because number 1 - tax free dollars! But also there is a heavy focus on education which will make it easier for Murray to get a teaching job. But there is so much research that I need to do! Like can I get a job there? What IVF clinics do they have and how much do they cost? What hospital facilities do they have? Are there lots of other ex-pats living there? Can you travel around easily? So many questions!
Sunday, 27 July 2008
I can't believe it is Sunday night again and I am back to work tomorrow morning. Work hasn't been the most pleasant of places for me to be lately. I feel really uncomfortable and unhappy with the current situation. It's hard to explain - I love the actual work that I do, but something is not right in the office. I'm not happy with management, and perhaps it's my own insecurities but I feel like whatever I do will never be good enough for my boss. I have applied for another job within my organisation but I haven't heard back about it yet. I'm not sure that I will even take the job if it is offered to me, but I needed to do something. I have had more migraines in the past month than I have had in the past year combined, and I think stress has been the trigger. Thankfully I haven't had one in the past week (touch wood) but I need to do everything in my power to prevent having a reoccurence, not least because of how it will affect our chances with IVF.
On another note, I have decided that next weekend I am going to start working on my book. I know the likelihood of me finishing the book is probably a pipe dream and I know as a certainty that it will never be published unless I do a DIY job AND I totally suck as a writer! For my own sanity though, I am going to give it a go. I've started to think about what chapters I want to write about. Over the past year I have collect so many infertility and IVF books and still haven't found one that says exactly what I want it to say.
My favourite book so far has been 'Making Babies' by Theresa Miller. I loved reading each persons story with their own personal struggle to achieve the thing they want most. One of the most fascinating things for me was reading a story from the point of view of one of the first 'test tube' babies.
So what do I want my book to say? That everybody's journey is different? Be positive? I think the one thing that I want to get across the most is that whatever it is you are feeling, it is okay. It is okay to be super optimistic one day and crying your heart out the next. You are allowed to grieve for lost opportunities, lost children. Whatever it is- allow yourself the luxury of being true to yourself.
If you were reading a book on infertility, what is it you would want to read?
Thursday, 24 July 2008
I am suprisingly calm about starting again. We have decided that we aren't going to tell anyone about this cycle. I just don't want the pressure of peoples expectations on me, then it's not just me who gets disappointed, but everyone around me. I want to try and stay positive, keep up my exercise, and stay 'present' in my normal life.
The other reason for not telling people is that I want to regain some surprise into this whole thing. A close friend of mine recently announced that she is 14 weeks pregnant. While we will be announcing our pregnancy earlier than that should we be blessed, I would really love that element of surprise and elation. Maybe I'm reaching for the stars a bit but it's worth a try.
Monday, 21 July 2008
Monday, 14 July 2008
We had a wonderful time away, besides the two day drive to get there, we went to the beach lots, the weather was perfect - 26 degrees without a cloud in the sky every day. We even got sunburnt! We went on an all day tour to visit the Cape Range National Park and I was lucky enough to go snorkelling on the Ningaloo Reef at Turquoise Bay which was incredible! We spent lazy days just relaxing by the hotel pool and eating yummy food. It was nice to spend some quality time with Murray, just the two of us away from the rest of the world.
And now for some pictures!
Shell Beach, Coral Bay
My gorgeous hubby enjoying the sunset
This beach is made completely of white shells
Murray and I have a tradition that on all our getaways we play a game with a very sexy wager - this time a full body massage with extras *nudge* Luckily we one one game each on our trip!
An ancient canyon filled with water