#sygwa

One of the things that I do each year is run our church's team entry into the State Youth Games. As church coordinator I do a lot of running around, getting registrations, organising our team nominations, accomodations, team shirts, fixturing, and then finally on the weekend, supervising and making sure everyone gets to where they need to be.

This past week I have been sick with a cold and chest infection, but there is no time for that at SYG! So onwards we went and it was simply the best weekend. Our team had 32 16-28 year olds (predominantly 16-20 year olds this time round), and we actually took out the Small Church competition! This is huge, especially considering we came dead last in 2012, finishing on -70 points!!! It is incredibly rewarding to get the opportunity to see kids developing friendships, having fun, and not least learn that knowing God or being a christian doesn't have to be boring!

If you want to see some funny stuff, take a look at the video below - including me getting very excited at the end when it was announced that we won!

Adoption Session 4

Last Friday we had our fourth interview with the assessor. This session focused on safety of children, in particular from physical and sexual abuse, but also about appropriate discipline strategies, and developmental milestones. It was a full-on session, talking about how we would manage a situation if we felt uneasy about a coach or neighbour spending time with our child, and what we would do if our child ever told us about abuse.

We were given a number of vignettes or case studies which we then had to respond to. A basic example is of a 4 year old boy who refuses to sit in his car seat and you have to go somewhere in your car - What would you do? It sounds simple, but each case study escalates until we are discussing very serious consequences.

We also had homework to do for our session next week. We have to provide short answers to questions like What sort of things might make it difficult for an adopted child to bond with you, and for you to bond with an adopted child?, and What role or importance do you think and adopted child's extended birth family has in his or her life?   Lots of questions which really make you think about what we are doing and constantly asking ourselves if this is the right path to follow. And the end of each session, no matter how exhausting, Murray and I are excited about what we are doing, which I think means this is right for us.

I've been reading Deborah Gray's book Attaching in Adoption- Practical Tools for Today's Parents, which has been really helpful. It has case studies all the way through and talks about different ways of building attachments with an adopted child. Hopefully I will get to put some of these things into practice one day!

Adoption, house progress, my new job and more!

The last few weeks have been quite intense with the adoption process going full steam ahead, as well as doing a lot of things around the house and I haven't had a chance to update on where we are up to! This probably should be a couple of separate posts but hey - who has time for that!

Let's start with the house stuff - as you know, part of the adoption process involves an assessment of the physical location where the child will be brought up. We held a working bee at our house last weekend, and our friends really came through for us. With the help of mates, we were able to get a whole bunch of stuff done - removing the cubby house and dog kennel that had been eaten out by termites, installing a laundry overhead cupboard to store chemicals (and also has a built in airer/washing line!), garden beds cleaned up, cracks sealed up in the lounge room, side gate fixed, floating shelf put up in the bathroom, garage door lock replaced, a new chain lock installed on the front door, and our mirror attached to our dressing table securely. On top of that we had a new toilet installed a month or two back, our meals area has been painted with a new light fitting and new table and storage unit. And I have spent this afternoon painting the toilet walls and ceiling to make it all fresh and shiny!

The house is really starting to take shape, not just for our assessment, but as something for us to be proud of. We have been spending every last dollar on improving it and making it a nice place to live and it is paying off in spades. It is so nice to come home to a house that you love.

My new job is going great. I am really enjoying the variety of work and the people I work with are fabulous - friendly, well-mannered and very inclusive. I feel right at home there and hopefully I will be there for a long time to come! Career-wise it is very satisfying and gives me more responsibility and ownership over the programs that I develop which is exactly what I wanted. It's nice to be the senior person and able to delve into the strategic side of things rather than being lumped with whatever decisions are made higher up the chain.

Onto the adoption stuff. Well that has been intense, it's fair to say. So far we have had three sessions, each lasting between two and three hours long. The first session was a little disheartening if I'm honest. The assessor was very clear that her role was not only to assess us but to prepare us for worst case scenarios, which meant that she wasn't going to be the happy, positive, optimistic person, but push us for what we do if the worst case scenario actually happened. That was really challenging for us, but it has also been a prompt for us to consider things that we perhaps hadn't thought of before, or verbalise and think through things that we hadn;t fully worked out yet.

Our first session was more of an intro and discussing our reasons for wanting to adopt. For the second session, we had to complete a lot of worksheets for homework. These included a genogram or basically a family tree for each of us; a life line which showed the major events in each of our lives up until we met and then together from when we started our relationship. Then we prepared a social circle diagram which showed the people closest to us and who we have relationships with, like family, best friends, work mates etc (basically your support network). The last one also identified stressful connections in your life. During the second session, we talked through each of these worksheets to work through our lives and how we have come to be at this point.

The third session last week was more about how we were parented when we were growing up, and which things we would do the same, while also identifying what we would do differently. It also covered a lot about Murray and I as a couple - how we deal with conflict, things we like to do together, our relationship style, as well as how we have dealt with our infertility and our miscarriage a few years ago. This part was very intense and I didn't expect to bring up so many emotions, particularly the miscarriage. The assessor was really impressed that we had made a memory box for our baby, and thought it was a great way to deal with the grief.

So that brings us to this weeks session. It has been pushed back until Friday night which is a blessing in itself as it gives me time to clean out the spare room and tidy the games room, but otherwise we are pretty much ready to go with it. Part of the assessment involves assessing the temperament of our dogs and making sure they don't pose a danger to a child, so I am praying that they behave well!

It's a big week ahead but we are so happy to be on this path. It feels so right.

Another adoption update- setting the date!

How does the saying go about telling God your plans? On the weekend I was all set to delay our assessment stating by a month or so to settle into the new job. Then last night we received a call from our assessor! She suggested that we make use of the school holidays with Murray being off work and booked our first session in for next Monday!

So now we are trying to get everything in order prior to the first meeting. Each interview goes for around 2.5 hours, and she would like to finish things off by 6.30pm, so I'm going to have to build up some flexi-time at my new job to leave early for the interviews over the coming months.

I can't believe we are actually doing this! Luckily Thursday is a public holiday for ANZAC Day which gives me an extra day of cleaning and putting together our paperwork. We need to provide payslips, mortgage docs, loan docs, insurance papers, as well as bringing out our birth and marriage certificates again.

Speaking of my new job, I also got the go-ahead to take two weeks off for our holiday in July! I was worried I'd have to cancel or reduce the trip to one week, but my boss was happy for me to go, even without having enough annual leave accrued by the time we go. I love my new job!!!!

Latest adoption news - our assessment

We were very excited when the letter below came in the mail this week!

 

We are now progressing to the next stage of the adoption process. We paid our $750 registration fee a few weeks ago and have been assigned to an assessor named Mary. We are hoping to hold off starting the interview process until Mid-May or the beginning of June, just to allow me to get settled in the new job before taking any time off of work, and also to get my uni work for this semester out of the way.

We also have a working bee planned for May 11 with a lot of our friends and family helping us to fix some things around the house and just bring it up to a good standard before we start the assessment process.

Progress!!!!

What I've been up to - in pictures

Chilling out with the dogs

Getting my housewife on and making scones for Murray

Babysitting my gorgeous nephew William

Saying goodbye to work friends

 

My work friends put on a fabulous farewell morning tea

And I got completely spoiled

I've been busy with uni study

We've picked out a new toilet which will be installed this week - woot! No more leaking!

I spent the past weekend at Relay for Life - I am exhausted!

I was lucky enough to go to the Perth Wildcats Grand Final breakfast and final shoot-around before the game. Unfortunately we lost the game and the series, which I am devastated about. There is always next year though.

Reaching my goals

If you haven't been across to Lose and Hope, I've reached an important milestone last week.
Check it out!

Adoption Progress - House Inspection

One of the things I am dreading most about starting the assessment component of the adoption process, is the house inspection. I completely understand the need for a house inspection. After all, the state needs to determine that we can look after a child, and that includes providing them a safe environment to live in.

We live in an old house in the south-eastern suburbs of Perth. The house is probably around 40 years old, and to put it bluntly, it is falling apart. We have had two ceilings collapse since we moved in 7 years ago, and pretty much anything that can go wrong, does go wrong. The house is filled with cracks from earth movement, we've replaced both the ducted airconditioner and gas hot water system. Now we've discovered that our gorgeous cubby house in the backyard has been eaten out by termites and needs to be removed, along with Charlie's kennel.

There is a lot to do to bring our house up to the standard we want for raising a child in. So I'm finally asking for help. I hate asking, hate putting people out, hate inconveniencing people. But I'm asking. I'm putting the word out to our friends and family to help us get our house looking like it should. I'm not concerned about weeding the back yard, or a prettier letterbox (although those things would be lovely). I need help with stuff I can't do myself. For example we need to be able to put all of our laundry detergent and cleaning supplies out of reach of kids. Unfortunately we have no storage in our laundry, so I am hoping to be able to hang a cupboard above our trough and washing machine to house those things. There are other small things as well like our garage needs to be able to be locked as it contains garden chemicals.

We have gotten so far with this adoption process, yet we are still only at the beginning of our assessment. I just don't want anything to get between us being approved as adoptive parents. I really hope our friends and family are supportive and can help us get there.

A fabulous start to the year

This has been the best start to a year for as long as I can remember. We have been so incredibly blessed with amazing things happening both separately and together.

• Murray's new job is filled with lovely people who value and respect him.
• I have a new job which will start in the middle of April which is a really positive step forward in my career. 
• Our adoption application is progressing steadily, as is our progress on the public IVF waiting list. 
• We have been doing things around the house and now have a new patio roof, our kitchen ceiling is fixed, our kitchen and lounge room ceilings painted, and our meals area has a beautiful new light fitting and table. 
• My Dad did a lot of work to fix my car including new brakes, a new front windscreen and fixing a leak in my radiator
• I am no longer obese and am loving my new body and lifestyle. I've joined a new gym, am regularly attending exercise classes, and even went for a leisurely jog today with my dogs
• This is my last year of my Commerce degree! I'm really enjoying the classes that I'm enrolled in this semester, and I'm very excited to be so close to graduation

So many things are happening for us. We have been truly blessed by God.

Adoption Application - The next steps

After digging out my adoption paperwork yesterday, I found our adoption checklist which has the full process of local adoption in WA.

So far we have:

• Attended Adoption Information Seminar (July 2009
• Attended Preparation for Adoptive Parenting training (October 2009)
• Attended Separation & Attachment training (October 2009)
• Submitted Expression of Interest form (November 2009)
• Attended Assessment Seminar (January 2010)
• Submitted referee reports
• Completed Criminal Record Screening and received clearance
• Completed Medical reports and received clearance
• Forwarded certified proof of identity documents

From now we have to

• Pay registration fee $750
• Be allocated an assessor 
• Conduct assessment interviews
• Complete assessment report
• Adoption Panel meets to approve/reject assessment

If we manage to be approved as adoptive parents, then the next step happens

• Prepare a family profile
• Profile can be presented to birth families.
• If profile is selected, an allocation offer is made and the child's information is provided to us
• Accept child and start gradual transition to adoptive parents
• Provide evidence that we are not pregnant
• Complete Placement Conditions form accepting child
• Adoption Plan completed and signed by all parties
• Child placed with applications
• Minimum 6 months supervision and support provide by Adoption Social Worker
• Commence the process of applying for an Adoption Order through the Family Court
• Family Court report prepared
• An Order of Adoption is granted
• Copy of Order and new birth certificate received!

 Still a very long way to go, but we have come so far already. I can't wait until we get to that last line!

Adoption Medical Clearance Received!

We received some very exciting mail in the post today! Our medical assessments for our adoption application were submitted only last week thanks to the stuff up at our GP, but we have already received our medical clearances!

We are so thrilled to be past this barrier. I was so nervous that despite all the life changes we have implemented, that something would still go wrong, but it didn't.

So onto the next step in the adoption process. We need to pay a $750 registration fee, after which we will be assigned an assessor and proceed to the 'suitability for adoptive parenthood' assessment stage.

While I don't know everything that will be in this stage, I've re-checked some of my original adoption seminar notes, and know that the following things are covered:

• Assessors are contract workers, usually a psychologist or social worker
• Takes 12 weeks to complete the assessment
• Consists of a minimum of 6 interviews, 2-3 hours each at home
• Can come into the office to read the assessors report and can make changes to factual information, and we can also include an appendix if we don't agree with a statement.
• Have to meet a range of different competencies
• Physical environment eg childproofing. Need to lock up poisons and medications, provde proof of income, prove that you can commit to 12 months off work to dedicate to the child, have space for a child to live, and no dangerous pets (!)
• Family life & functioning - How we live on a day to day basis, hours of work, what do we do with our spare time, do we currently have kids in our life. What social and family support will we have. What routines will we have in plae. 
• Child rearing beliefs - How were we brought up, and what our beliefs are regarding child rearing eg discipline, other adopted children, our future plans
• Parenting a child from a different background - What if the child is aboriginal or from a different cultural background? How will you deal with racism? What support will you have?
• Children who have additional needs - Are you ready for this and what access to support do you have? In local adoption this often means intellectual disabilities, downs syndrome and cerebal palsy.
• Personal characteristics - How do you communicate as a couple and relate to others. How do you manage stress. Who makes the decisions and how? Demonstrate relationship skills and how you deal with conflict and crisis. 
• Problem Solving - Will you seek support eg counselling if needed. Being aware of own limitations (eg no sleep)
• Motivation and understanding of adoption - Why do we want to adopt? What will be the impact of our adoption. How will extended family respond to adoption? How have our fertility issues affected us. Our attitudes towards open adoption and what contact we would like to have with the birth family
• After all of that, a recommendation will be made to the Adoption Panel about whether we are approved, and if so recommend an age range of the child suitable for us, and if we are suitable for a child with special needs. The panel meets each month. 
• The assessor and the agency will let you know they are considering not approving you and will discuss issues with us. 
• The panel can impose conditions on approval
• The non-approval rate is around 5%, most people opt out if it is unlikely to be approved
• We can review/appeal a decision within 90 days, but we must provide new information or show a procedural error.

The only thought that possibly worries me is how my new job will affect our adoption plans. To be eligible for parental leave (which covers adoption), I need to be working in my new role for 12 months. I start my new job in April, and I realise that the assessment and approval process is going to take some time, probably six months or so. On top of that, the odds of us being placed in the subsequent six months are sooooooo low, like 3% low. But it's possible. Murray and I have discussed it and we know we would make it work financially, but I guess it's one of those niggly thoughts in the back of my mind - I hate being unprepared!

Onwards and upwards!

Flying the coop with a new job!

So this week has brought about another great opportunity. I recently applied for a job that I really wanted. It offered the right benefits and culture, but it's in an area that I'm genuinely passionate about, and I really felt like it was a good fit. After three weeks without hearing anything, I assumed I didn't get anywhere so tried to put it out of my mind, when out of the blue I was invited for an interview.

At the interview I had to provide my response to three scenarios and how I would respond, as well as general interview questions. I felt like I had done well but couldn't really be sure. Two weeks had come and gone and as each day went, my confidence died a little more. That is, until yesterday afternoon when I got the call saying that I was their preferred candidate and was I still interested in the position!

Of course I couldn't say yes fast enough! I am so excited for this new venture! I have been in my current organisation for nearly my whole working life, and the last 7.5 years have been fabulous, but I feel like I am ready to move on and see how other organisations work and approach things. I need to learn and develop, and I felt ready to take on a more senior role, which wasn't an option in my current job.

So my last day at my current job is April 9, and I handed in my resignation letter this morning! I was very nervous at how my boss would respond but he was actually pretty good about it. I'm hoping the official announcement will go out to everyone tomorrow after I tell my team formally. And of course leaving means farewell dinner and drinks which is great as well.

The timing works out well, as Murray's parents are both having operations on April 10, so I will be off work for those couple of days in between the jobs, and able to see them in hospital. I'm hoping to blog about it soon, but Murray's Mum is having a kidney transplant, and his Dad is donating a kidney to someone else, in return for the kidney that the Mum will receive. So they will both be out of action for a while, and I'm grateful I will be around for them.

Anyhow, I must shuffle off to bed but just wanted to share the news. I'm flying the coop!