Wednesday, 4 March 2015

For Sale

Our house is officially on the market! 

We did a lot of work to bring out the best in the house – repainting, new carpets, cleaning until everything sparkled, and packing up anything that didn’t fit with the aesthetic we wanted. 

It’s a pity really because it has made us fall back in love with the house. This was our first house that we picked together, and our marital home. I’ve always loved it, and I am going to be sad to leave when we eventually sell. 

So far we have had two home opens and a handful of people coming for private inspections for a second look or to bring their families through. We are hoping that a young couple of family get the house, and possible a dog or two! 

Monday, 23 February 2015

Life Update 2015

I didn’t realize how long it had been since I had posted. Life has been full of adventure and experiences over the last few months. We went on our amazing European adventure (that’s a whole other post coming very soon!), the holidays are over for another year, and we have launched back into work and school with gusto. We have also made a huge decision which is to put our house on the market and move closer to our families north of the river. It’s a big move but for a lot of different reasons, we feel that it is the right decision.

No news on the adoption front unfortunately. We have now been approved and in the waiting pool for 15 months. I spoke with the agency before we left for our holiday in December, and a different person had been assigned to our case. There have been 5 children placed in the last 12 months, but none were special needs. The worker said that it was quite slow at the time, with no placements for a little while. She said that the main factors birth parents have been considering for choosing a placement recently are the parents location (metro v regional), whether the prospective parents have other children or are planning to adopt further, and their religion. And that was it really – just that we will need to have our house inspected once we buy a new place, which is standard practice.

Work is crazy busy for both of us, but we are getting through it all, and trying to make time for us to enjoy ourselves. We went to a couple of shows at the Perth Fringe Festival last month, and then an Opera/Musical performance at the State Theatre Centre last week which was just fabulous. 2015 is looking really positive for us.

Monday, 24 November 2014

18 days to go

In 18 days time, we will be flying half way around the world to spend our Christmas holidays in Europe. It has come round quickly, and we are busy making the final arrangements - day tours that we want to go on, plotting out which museums to see, and Christmas markets that we will visit.

We arrive in Amsterdam during their Light Festival and have booked a canal cruise around the city to view the light installations that are on show. We are seeing a Bayern Munich soccer game in Munich, and going to the Casse-Noisette (Nutcracker) ballet on Christmas Eve in Paris.

This is the consolation prize. We don't have children, and some days that is a bitter pill to swallow. But we are making the most of our lives anyway, and this is a very delightful part of that.

Monday, 10 November 2014

A new look


I'm doing much better than I was last month. Having some distance from the IVF cycle, a lot of support from friends and work, and going to counselling has helped me get to the other side of the ditch, and I am really coming good.

We are hanging out for our Europe holiday - only 33 days to go until we leave! My brother is flying in from Sydney with his girlfriend the week before we leave, so I will get to see him and do a family Christmas dinner the night before we go which I am also looking forward to.

In other news, due to all of my health issues, I have been experiencing a lot of dizziness which I had attributed to low blood pressure and my reactive hypoglycemia. I had an eye test to rule out anything wrong, when it actually showed up that my eyesight actually was an issue! I have astigmatism in my left eye and am shortsighted so everything beyond a certain distance was fuzzy. I didn't even realise I had a problem except for the dizziness, so I am quite thankful that I had the test done.
The down side of course is that now I have joined the dark side of wearing glasses. Yeah, yeah, not a big deal I hear you say. Except of course I have never worn glasses before and it is so foreign to me, let alone wearing them all the time. I managed to find a pair that I didn't hate, but already I am getting pain behind my ears from the pressure of them on my head.

The new look
I am also now the proud owner of a piano! My best friend is having a clear out of her house and was asking if anyone wanted one. A few strong men later, the piano is in our games room! It's going to need a little work to get it ship-shape but I've already been on it playing Christmas Carols! I only ever had a year of lessons in primary school so it is very basic but I'm hoping next year to perhaps even take some lessons and build up a repertoire!

Piano (and glasses!)

Saturday, 18 October 2014


The last few weeks have been tough. My depression reached a new low this week, and my fears were realised that I was indeed in the grips of a depressive episode. Crying for no reason, this persistent sad mood that no matter what I did, I couldn't shake. Unhelpful thoughts running through my head and always feeling on edge like my world was ending.

My workplace has been incredibly accommodating and caring for me. Whatever I need, they provide which has been a God-send. One of my biggest fears was that I was letting people down and that everyone would see me fail at work, and I realise now that is just my head talking and not reality.

I started seeing a psychologist this week who gave me some breathing exercises to do which have definitely help to ease my anxiety and given me some confidence in dealing with the panic attack side of things. The depression is going to take longer though, and is not something that just disappears. One thing she said to me, after going through all my background and history, is that I am resilient. I have been through a hell of a lot, and yet I have always bounced back, and there is no reason why this wont be the same.

Murray has been a huge support for me. He knows exactly what to say, and how important it is for him to just be near me and pull me close when I get down. I am so grateful that he is my partner for all of this. I appreciate him more and more each day.

I have also stayed in prayer throughout these past weeks, and I have felt that help me a lot. Knowing that I have God looking after me through all of this, I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. My non-Christian friends don't really get it, after all if there is a God, why do I have depression? But I get it. Everyone has their struggles, their burdens to carry. This is part of mine. That doesn't shake my faith though. I think it actually strengthens it as I have to rely so fully on him just to get through each day.

Sunday, 5 October 2014


The last week was pretty tough. My anxiety was always present, and Murray was on a school camp to Canberra which meant that I was at home having to deal with all of it by myself. I was scared that I was going to regress and end up in bed curled up, unable to function. Luckily I have some amazing friends who helped me get through the week with regular catch ups and lunches, and work was really good about rearranging my holidays so that I only had to work short weeks so I wasn't stressed at work.

Murray got back on Friday night and I was nearly running through the airport to see him. He'd only been gone for a week but it felt like forever. My Mum said to me that it was nice to see how much I missed him. I'm always the strong one in the relationship, and she liked that I was vulnerable and showed how much I needed him as much as he needs me. I guess when you look at it like that, it shows that we are a real partnership.

Onwards we go. I have three days off work this week while Murray is on school holidays and then back into the daily grind. We are counting down the days to our holiday. I can't wait to have some extended time out and just enjoy some time with the two of us.

Monday, 15 September 2014

Photo update

My graduation was last Monday and it was fabulous. Murray, my Mum and sister-in-law all came along to help celebrate.
Graduation selfie with my only other graduating friend Michelle


We went to a wedding on Saturday which was really lovely. This is my sister-in-law and I enjoying the sunshine after the ceremony.

And my evening dress for the reception! I've never worn anything so revealing as this before but I loved it!

Wedding selfie

And a proper photo of Murray and I together #love

Sunday, 7 September 2014

Looking forward

This is what I am looking forward to right now. We can't wait for our holiday, and are trying to focus all our attention on that to try and forget about our recent disappointment. Part of us still hopes that the adoption could come through and we wont be able to go on our trip. As much as I would love to go to Europe, I would drop everything at a moments notice if the adoption came through.

Who knows what we will be doing in three months time. If it is changing nappies - then I will be happy. If it is a white christmas in Strasbourg and Paris - I will be enjoying it very much!

Friday, 5 September 2014

Coping with the disappointment

It's been a rough couple of days. I thought I was coping reasonably well with the disappointment of this cycles failure but once the period pain started, I actually started vomiting as either a pain or stress response and had to go home from work. Then the pain sent me into a mental tailspin and I had an anxiety attack- something I haven't experienced for a long time.

This was one of my fears about coming off my antidepressants - that I wouldn't cope well and I wouldn't have that safety net. Today I had another anxiety attack at work, but was able to go down to the sick bay and lock myself in for 20 minutes to deal with the worst of it and nobody saw me. I'm feeling much better this afternoon, but it is something that I'm going to have to watch out for. Thanks to a lovely doctor, I have some Valium tablets to help me sleep if I get too worked up but I've only ever used that as a last resort.

Murray and I had a good talk this afternoon and have decided not to go ahead with the other donated embryo at this point. My mental health is more important right now, and even though I have only had two mild episodes, I had forgotten how awful they can make you feel. We are going to hold out until the public IVF program is up and running again and make sure that we are ready then to deal with the emotional side of things.

Wednesday, 3 September 2014


As expected, the blood test showed up negative. My doctor is happy for me to go ahead with another transfer of the other donated embryo but we are going to leave it for now. With only one 2 cell embryo left, I don't like our chances of a successful thaw, so it's better that we leave it as a back up if future treatment fails.

For now we are regrouping and going back to waiting for either the adoption to come through or for the public IVF to become available. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy planning for our holiday in December, and try and lose the extra couple of kilos I've put on over the last four months.

We will be okay. It's sad but I'm not going to self-destruct.

Monday, 1 September 2014

Day 32 - facing the music

Negative again. We are both really upset, but trying to find comfort in each other.
Official blood test on Wednesday but not expecting any miracles.
Luckily I had pre-booked today off work as annual leave so spent the day in my PJ's moping around the house. Not sure what our next step is, maybe use our last donated embryo, or just wait until after we get back from Europe. I don't really want to think about it right now.

Saturday, 30 August 2014

Day 30 - Negative at 8dp2dt

It's hard to know how to feel. I took pregnancy tests each of the last three mornings and they have all been negative. I know it is early to test, and that there is the possibility of it being a 'false negative', but it has definitely taken the wind out of my sails. I felt so positive that this cycle had worked, and now I feel deflated, like there is no hope at all.

I've been going to my acupuncture sessions every two days which has been helpful to keep the stress levels down but it hasn't stopped me from having a couple of tearful moments where I realise the odds are so low for us. I have been bone tired the last few days and I really thought that might have been a symptom but I guess that was all in my head.

I'll do it all again tomorrow no doubt.