Tuesday, 7 April 2015

Healing wounds

Time doesn't heal all wounds. It can definitely help to provide perspective, and ease the hurts, but scars are left behind.

Pregnancy announcements shouldn't be able to affect me the way they do. For the most part they (almost) don't. Facebook is the demon of all announcement platforms because people write their one line Congratulations message, along with whatever other pithy message they can think of, and inevitably someone says 'you deserve this'.

And I'm like *whiplash* What now! Back up there, we do not get what we deserve in life. If that was the case, there would be a whole lot of people in the world in very different situations than what they are currently in. And even though I know it is just a platitude, it hurts. Even though I know that it's not about who deserves to have a child, there is still that tiny part of me that says what have I done wrong to deserve childlessness.

I'm fine. It's just one of those days.

Tuesday, 24 March 2015

Wildcats Ball

This past weekend was the Perth Wildcats MVP ball, which we go to each year and gives us a chance to dress up and go our for a nice evening. Usually we follow the theme (previous years have been roaring 20's, Bollywood, country, and Asian), but this years theme was Ancient Egypt which was a touch too hard for me to go with. Instead we decided on classic black but with a gold edge. It was a fabulous night but over far too quickly as we had a home open the next day that we had to be up early for.




Friday, 6 March 2015

Our European Adventure – December 2014


Where do I begin! Europe at Christmas time is just remarkable – there is nothing else like it!

We started in Amsterdam for a couple of nights, and on the second day I had to buy myself a warmer jacket because I underestimated exactly how cold and biting the weather gets! It was the Festival of Lights when we arrived so we went on a canal cruise which was beautiful. We did so much walking in Amsterdam – it’s such a great city to just watch the world go by, try out different cafes (not coffeeshops!) and enjoy the canals. We also went to the hidden Church which is a Catholic Church that was hidden inside apartment buildings.






Then we caught an overnight train to Munich which was such a cool city to experience! My favourite moment was catching the train into Marienplatz at night, on our way to a Bayern Munich soccer game, and walking into the Christmas markets next to the Glockenspiel, with Carolers singing over the square from the old building. It was so magical, like I had gone back in time, and felt like a true white Christmas experience (unfortunately without any snow!). I discovered a new favourite drink – Lamumba, which is hot chocolate with rum and whipped cream! We did a lot of different Christmas markets, and stayed in two different places – a hotel in Messestadt West, and then an airbnb apartment on RumfordstraBe street which was perfect – right next to Gartnerplatz. We visited Dachau Concentration Camp which was a very sobering experience, but something that we both wanted to see for ourselves.






We also popped across the border for a day trip to Salzburg Austria, the home of Mozart and the Sound of Music! We did the music tour which showed many of the places from the movie, and also went to more Christmas markets. The Dom Cathedral is spectacular there, we spent lots of time looking at the ceiling which had beautiful works painted on them. Right outside was an outdoors iceskating rink which was very popular.






Then off to Strasbourg, on the border of France and Germany. Strasbourg is the home of European Christmas markets – and we went to every single one of them!!! Notre Dame is this incredible gothic church that is so tall, it’s difficult to get a photo of the whole thing. We ate many pretzels, including the sucre bretzel – basically a donut in pretzel shape – my favourite thing ever! Murray surprised me with tickets to the Opera in our own private box, and we saw La Vie Parissienne. Although we can’t speak French, nor read the German subtitles, we understood the Opera thanks to the vaudeville nature of the show.






Finally we flew to Paris to spend Christmas Eve and off to the ballet to see the Nutcracker or ‘Casse Noisette’ as the French call it. It was amazing. There are no words that can accurately describe the spectacle. We spent Christmas Day having a long decadent lunch in the Latin Quarter overlooking Notre Dame, and then walked through the city. After a quick nap, we went down to the Champs Elysees, where they had Christmas markets set up all the way from Concorde to the main shopping area – even an ice skating rink had been set up! It was delightful, and a festive way to finish our day. We visited Montrmartre, Montparnasse Tower, Le Forum des Halles, and did lots of window shopping and CafĂ©’s which was perfect after a couple of very busy weeks.








We made our way back to Amsterdam and I ended up getting a facebook message from my cousin who lives in Perth, that they were in Amsterdam at the same time and did we want to catch up for dinner? Perfect timing – we were staying only 500 metres away from each other so we all went out for tapas and many drinks. We finished off the holiday with trips to the Rijksmuseum and the Van Gogh Museum, before flying back home on New Years Eve/New Years Day. We got to celebrate the new year over Iran with champagne and party hats thanks to our awesome Garuda hostesses.



I can't wait to be able to go again!


Thursday, 5 March 2015

Finding a new home



Part of the sadness in selling our house and moving to a new area, is that we will also be leaving our church, as it is too far away from where we are planning on moving to.
We have been there for seven years and have been blessed with great teaching and ministry opportunities. Murray went on a mission trip with the men of the church to Thailand a few years ago, and I have been involved in State Youth Games which is an annual sports weekend in the country.

No two churches are the same, and I know it is going to be hard to find somewhere that feels like home for us, but we are trusting the Lord to lead us to the place that we will worship at next.

I have been blessed with having met a wonderful group of women who I do bible study with on Wednesday nights, and my faith has been strengthened through attending this. Once we move house, we are hoping that I can host the group once a fortnight which will be nice.

Wednesday, 4 March 2015

For Sale



Our house is officially on the market! 



We did a lot of work to bring out the best in the house – repainting, new carpets, cleaning until everything sparkled, and packing up anything that didn’t fit with the aesthetic we wanted. 


It’s a pity really because it has made us fall back in love with the house. This was our first house that we picked together, and our marital home. I’ve always loved it, and I am going to be sad to leave when we eventually sell. 



So far we have had two home opens and a handful of people coming for private inspections for a second look or to bring their families through. We are hoping that a young couple of family get the house, and possible a dog or two! 



Monday, 23 February 2015

Life Update 2015

I didn’t realize how long it had been since I had posted. Life has been full of adventure and experiences over the last few months. We went on our amazing European adventure (that’s a whole other post coming very soon!), the holidays are over for another year, and we have launched back into work and school with gusto. We have also made a huge decision which is to put our house on the market and move closer to our families north of the river. It’s a big move but for a lot of different reasons, we feel that it is the right decision.

No news on the adoption front unfortunately. We have now been approved and in the waiting pool for 15 months. I spoke with the agency before we left for our holiday in December, and a different person had been assigned to our case. There have been 5 children placed in the last 12 months, but none were special needs. The worker said that it was quite slow at the time, with no placements for a little while. She said that the main factors birth parents have been considering for choosing a placement recently are the parents location (metro v regional), whether the prospective parents have other children or are planning to adopt further, and their religion. And that was it really – just that we will need to have our house inspected once we buy a new place, which is standard practice.

Work is crazy busy for both of us, but we are getting through it all, and trying to make time for us to enjoy ourselves. We went to a couple of shows at the Perth Fringe Festival last month, and then an Opera/Musical performance at the State Theatre Centre last week which was just fabulous. 2015 is looking really positive for us.

Monday, 24 November 2014

18 days to go

In 18 days time, we will be flying half way around the world to spend our Christmas holidays in Europe. It has come round quickly, and we are busy making the final arrangements - day tours that we want to go on, plotting out which museums to see, and Christmas markets that we will visit.

We arrive in Amsterdam during their Light Festival and have booked a canal cruise around the city to view the light installations that are on show. We are seeing a Bayern Munich soccer game in Munich, and going to the Casse-Noisette (Nutcracker) ballet on Christmas Eve in Paris.

This is the consolation prize. We don't have children, and some days that is a bitter pill to swallow. But we are making the most of our lives anyway, and this is a very delightful part of that.

Monday, 10 November 2014

A new look

   




I'm doing much better than I was last month. Having some distance from the IVF cycle, a lot of support from friends and work, and going to counselling has helped me get to the other side of the ditch, and I am really coming good.

We are hanging out for our Europe holiday - only 33 days to go until we leave! My brother is flying in from Sydney with his girlfriend the week before we leave, so I will get to see him and do a family Christmas dinner the night before we go which I am also looking forward to.

In other news, due to all of my health issues, I have been experiencing a lot of dizziness which I had attributed to low blood pressure and my reactive hypoglycemia. I had an eye test to rule out anything wrong, when it actually showed up that my eyesight actually was an issue! I have astigmatism in my left eye and am shortsighted so everything beyond a certain distance was fuzzy. I didn't even realise I had a problem except for the dizziness, so I am quite thankful that I had the test done.
The down side of course is that now I have joined the dark side of wearing glasses. Yeah, yeah, not a big deal I hear you say. Except of course I have never worn glasses before and it is so foreign to me, let alone wearing them all the time. I managed to find a pair that I didn't hate, but already I am getting pain behind my ears from the pressure of them on my head.

The new look
I am also now the proud owner of a piano! My best friend is having a clear out of her house and was asking if anyone wanted one. A few strong men later, the piano is in our games room! It's going to need a little work to get it ship-shape but I've already been on it playing Christmas Carols! I only ever had a year of lessons in primary school so it is very basic but I'm hoping next year to perhaps even take some lessons and build up a repertoire!

Piano (and glasses!)

Saturday, 18 October 2014

Depression

The last few weeks have been tough. My depression reached a new low this week, and my fears were realised that I was indeed in the grips of a depressive episode. Crying for no reason, this persistent sad mood that no matter what I did, I couldn't shake. Unhelpful thoughts running through my head and always feeling on edge like my world was ending.

My workplace has been incredibly accommodating and caring for me. Whatever I need, they provide which has been a God-send. One of my biggest fears was that I was letting people down and that everyone would see me fail at work, and I realise now that is just my head talking and not reality.

I started seeing a psychologist this week who gave me some breathing exercises to do which have definitely help to ease my anxiety and given me some confidence in dealing with the panic attack side of things. The depression is going to take longer though, and is not something that just disappears. One thing she said to me, after going through all my background and history, is that I am resilient. I have been through a hell of a lot, and yet I have always bounced back, and there is no reason why this wont be the same.

Murray has been a huge support for me. He knows exactly what to say, and how important it is for him to just be near me and pull me close when I get down. I am so grateful that he is my partner for all of this. I appreciate him more and more each day.

I have also stayed in prayer throughout these past weeks, and I have felt that help me a lot. Knowing that I have God looking after me through all of this, I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. My non-Christian friends don't really get it, after all if there is a God, why do I have depression? But I get it. Everyone has their struggles, their burdens to carry. This is part of mine. That doesn't shake my faith though. I think it actually strengthens it as I have to rely so fully on him just to get through each day.

Sunday, 5 October 2014

Life

The last week was pretty tough. My anxiety was always present, and Murray was on a school camp to Canberra which meant that I was at home having to deal with all of it by myself. I was scared that I was going to regress and end up in bed curled up, unable to function. Luckily I have some amazing friends who helped me get through the week with regular catch ups and lunches, and work was really good about rearranging my holidays so that I only had to work short weeks so I wasn't stressed at work.

Murray got back on Friday night and I was nearly running through the airport to see him. He'd only been gone for a week but it felt like forever. My Mum said to me that it was nice to see how much I missed him. I'm always the strong one in the relationship, and she liked that I was vulnerable and showed how much I needed him as much as he needs me. I guess when you look at it like that, it shows that we are a real partnership.

Onwards we go. I have three days off work this week while Murray is on school holidays and then back into the daily grind. We are counting down the days to our holiday. I can't wait to have some extended time out and just enjoy some time with the two of us.

Monday, 15 September 2014

Photo update

 
My graduation was last Monday and it was fabulous. Murray, my Mum and sister-in-law all came along to help celebrate.
Graduation selfie with my only other graduating friend Michelle

 

We went to a wedding on Saturday which was really lovely. This is my sister-in-law and I enjoying the sunshine after the ceremony.

 
 
And my evening dress for the reception! I've never worn anything so revealing as this before but I loved it!


Wedding selfie


And a proper photo of Murray and I together #love
 

Sunday, 7 September 2014

Looking forward

This is what I am looking forward to right now. We can't wait for our holiday, and are trying to focus all our attention on that to try and forget about our recent disappointment. Part of us still hopes that the adoption could come through and we wont be able to go on our trip. As much as I would love to go to Europe, I would drop everything at a moments notice if the adoption came through.





Who knows what we will be doing in three months time. If it is changing nappies - then I will be happy. If it is a white christmas in Strasbourg and Paris - I will be enjoying it very much!